I am in awe of what God is doing in my life. I am seeing blessing after blessing just being poured out on me. I have had many desires and wants in my heart and mind for awhile and I am seeing many come to fruition. God's timing is amazing. I am learning that I like to wait for His timing because I love to see how He just works everything out.
For some time now I have been praying for a car. I had no idea how it would happen but I knew that God could work it out. I just stayed faithful in praying and believing that it would happen.Well about a month ago my mom said something about wanting to buy a car for me and we started looking. It seemed like there wasn't anything out there that was just really catching out attention. So I decided I would continue to be patient and that God would bring the perfect car along for in His perfect timing. Last week I was mentioning to a friend here at school that my mom and I were looking for a car to buy, and she answered with the statement, "Well, I am looking to sell my car so I can buy this other one I want and I am only asking what it will take me to buy the other one." I asked how much that would be and she replied with a thousand dollars. That is the amount my mom was wanting to buy me a car for, but everything we looked at for that much was not worth it. Well my friend has a 1995 Honda Civic and is in really good condition for a 95 car. I told my mom about it and she was completely on board with buying it. We are now in the final details. She has to make sure she can still buy the other car she wants and we have to do some title work but that is it. I am so excited to see how God has just laid this opportunity in my lap.
The next thing that goes with the last story is that for a long time I have had the desire to go to Israel and felt God leading me to go. Dr. Kendrick, the Dean of my college leads trips there once a year. His next trip is in March of 2013 and I want to go. I know that I will be able to go because God is going to open the doors. He is providing me with a car so I can get a job and save for it. The cost is doable in the next year. I am going to start getting in shape for this and I am going to just live life as if I know I am going and being proactive about it. I can't wait to see what other surprises God has for me in this journey of obedience and love to Him. Stay tuned for the amazing shower of blessing from our Heavenly Father!
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Monday, December 5, 2011
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Long time many thoughts!
WOW.... So much has happened in my life over the last semester of college (4 months). I have learned a lot about others and about myself. I have realized that where God has brought me at this point is just amazing. I am so excited for what He is doing in my life. I am learning that obedience might be hard sometimes but the reward for it is amazing. God is so awesome. He is the best parent you could have. He loves to reward us and bless us with things when we decide to listen and follow what He wants for us. It is not easy for me to submit and follow what He is calling me to in this season of my life. I desire to have someone else in my life to share things with and to start a family but I now know that God has asked me to just be patient and enjoy the time I have to do what He has in store for me. I see what is right in front of me I don't see what is beyond the trial and the difficulties most of the time. So I am trusting that while I walk this journey I see set in front of me that the end result is going to be something more amazing than I could ever imagine. I get so excited thinking that God is going to bless me with a husband that is everything I need for ministry and life and anything else that comes my way. He is going to have the same ministry goals that I do and it is just going to mesh well. :D It is so hard though in the times when I feel lonely and want someone to just cuddle and have close to me. I miss the relationship with another person. But God is teaching me to have that with Him. I am learning and it is getting easier and I know it will just get easier as it goes. I pray that God will sustain me in those hard times and the dark places that I know I am going to run into along this journey. I pray I can hold on to His hand and rely on Him and not go searching in places that I won't find what I am looking for in. Thank you Jesus for being my all in all and more than I could ever imagine.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Lonley in the middle of a crowded room....
"How are you doing?" ..... "I am doing, ok." This seems to be the extent of most of my conversations in the last 3 or 4 days.
This has to be the hardest thing I am having to walk through right now. I thought that my total of almost 3 years in Teen Challenge were a challenge. Well this is showing itself to be much harder. To sit in a room alone and know that you have this awesome God to talk to anytime you want, and have homework you can do, but all you want to do is have someone tangible to talk to and share feelings between is hard. I can talk to God and pray and hear from Him, that is not the issue. We have human, fleshly desires that are hard to deal with sometimes. We all like having that person we are closest to that we share everything with. That person you talk to first when you wake up and they are the last person you talk to before you go to bed. Well for me I have always had someone to do that with. I have always found myself in one relationship after another. But now I am sitting in this place where it feels extra lonely. I have me.... and God. I am finding this a hard place to be in right now. Especially while you are hurting and feeling lonely from a lost relationship.
The hardest part about losing this relationship is that it was great... but it wasn't what God has for me. I know He has something better for me but it is hard to not get the feeling of, "this isn't fair". I was happy with him and he was happy with me. I thought things were just fine. But God saw something I can't see and so I know there is a good reason for what God has recently done in my life. I am just not enjoying the pain I have to sit through that comes with it.
I find myself sitting at my computer with nothing to do. I can't sleep at night hardly. I am sleepy during the day, so I take naps. I think I am having a little depression which is normal for after a break up. I just wish I could move through this stage a little faster. I don't enjoy having random thoughts through out the day about him and not being able to talk to him and having to just accept that this is how it has to be. It would be easier if it was a bad break up and we were mad at each other but the hard fact is that things were great and I was the one that had to make the call when God told me to end it and break his heart. That is the hard thing for me. I just want to be his friend but I can't even have that because I hurt him so much he won't even talk to me. Plus God has told me to clear my life of all the things that would cause me to go back to any of the hindrances I have had in my life.
I know "this too shall pass".....
This has to be the hardest thing I am having to walk through right now. I thought that my total of almost 3 years in Teen Challenge were a challenge. Well this is showing itself to be much harder. To sit in a room alone and know that you have this awesome God to talk to anytime you want, and have homework you can do, but all you want to do is have someone tangible to talk to and share feelings between is hard. I can talk to God and pray and hear from Him, that is not the issue. We have human, fleshly desires that are hard to deal with sometimes. We all like having that person we are closest to that we share everything with. That person you talk to first when you wake up and they are the last person you talk to before you go to bed. Well for me I have always had someone to do that with. I have always found myself in one relationship after another. But now I am sitting in this place where it feels extra lonely. I have me.... and God. I am finding this a hard place to be in right now. Especially while you are hurting and feeling lonely from a lost relationship.
The hardest part about losing this relationship is that it was great... but it wasn't what God has for me. I know He has something better for me but it is hard to not get the feeling of, "this isn't fair". I was happy with him and he was happy with me. I thought things were just fine. But God saw something I can't see and so I know there is a good reason for what God has recently done in my life. I am just not enjoying the pain I have to sit through that comes with it.
I find myself sitting at my computer with nothing to do. I can't sleep at night hardly. I am sleepy during the day, so I take naps. I think I am having a little depression which is normal for after a break up. I just wish I could move through this stage a little faster. I don't enjoy having random thoughts through out the day about him and not being able to talk to him and having to just accept that this is how it has to be. It would be easier if it was a bad break up and we were mad at each other but the hard fact is that things were great and I was the one that had to make the call when God told me to end it and break his heart. That is the hard thing for me. I just want to be his friend but I can't even have that because I hurt him so much he won't even talk to me. Plus God has told me to clear my life of all the things that would cause me to go back to any of the hindrances I have had in my life.
I know "this too shall pass".....
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Broken
It is the hardest thing in the world to admit when we are wrong or broken or even hurting. This world has put an idea in our mind that we have to stand strong and that we don't show our weakness'. Well I am about to blow that out of the water.
This week has been the hardest yet easiest week of my Christian walk. I have faced sadness, anger, bitterness, hate, weakness and heartbreak. I was on the brink of losing everything I have obtained through God.
I have learned an amazing lesson of who God is and another aspect of His character was revealed to me. God is that parent that you need when you don't have anyone that will give you the harsh reality and tough love that you need in that very moment. He will tell you how it is.
We have this view of God and idea of Him that is sometimes clouded. We think that He has no problem letting us run around in our mess, sitting there waiting for us to get it right. WE ARE WRONG!!! Yes God is a gentlemen and won't push Himself on anyone. But the thing I learned most in the last couple days is that there is a point when God get's tired of watching us do this to ourselves.
For me it has been easy to lay down drugs and alcohol but I have battled with an even bigger demon in my life... and addiction to men. With this there is also an underlying addiction to love (in any form). God has been very patient with me and watched me make my mistakes after mistakes, saying "ok let's get this right already." I chose to keep trying to do it my way and think that I knew what I was doing and that I had this part of my life under control.
Well this week it has come to a screeching halt. When God finally gets fed up with you wandering in the wilderness He will take action to move you. He comes to you with two choices, very black and white. You can either stop this wandering and serve me completely and listen to me or you can go and do your own thing and I won't have anything to do with it. These are very scary choices that He gives you.
I have to say that personally I know better than to pick the later statement. I have seen what happens when you are not serving God and then I have seen what happens when you fully serve God with everything in you. So when I was faced with this decision in my life last night in the middle of a worship event here at my school I knew exactly which option I would choose. I just didn't know how. I was scared and afraid of what I was going to have to do to get to that choice. It involved hurting someone else. But God reminded me that if I put everything in His hands and chose to follow Him completely then He would take care of that.
I had to step out in faith and do something though in order to make that choice. So God being the merciful and gracious God He is... walked me through every step and renewed my strength all along the way. I made it through the initial decision. Now it is a daily decision to not turn back. It can be so easy to look back and think that it looks better back there.
I am making a choice that I am putting my hands to the plow and not looking back. I know that God has some amazing things ahead for me and I am going to just be open and ready. I am choosing to be a FAT christian. (Faithful Available and Teachable) I am ready for God to open doors and send me and use me in any way He needs and now that I have a certain aspect of my life open He can do that easier.
I am realizing that God can use me more when it is just me and Him than He ever could if I had someone else stuck to me in my life. I don't have to worry about the choice that someone else is going to make, all I have to worry about is what God is telling me and how I will follow. I am happy being in that place.
So I am entering the Potter's Hands again and asking to be broken and made new for Him to use. I can't wait to see what my potter makes this time.
This week has been the hardest yet easiest week of my Christian walk. I have faced sadness, anger, bitterness, hate, weakness and heartbreak. I was on the brink of losing everything I have obtained through God.
I have learned an amazing lesson of who God is and another aspect of His character was revealed to me. God is that parent that you need when you don't have anyone that will give you the harsh reality and tough love that you need in that very moment. He will tell you how it is.
We have this view of God and idea of Him that is sometimes clouded. We think that He has no problem letting us run around in our mess, sitting there waiting for us to get it right. WE ARE WRONG!!! Yes God is a gentlemen and won't push Himself on anyone. But the thing I learned most in the last couple days is that there is a point when God get's tired of watching us do this to ourselves.
For me it has been easy to lay down drugs and alcohol but I have battled with an even bigger demon in my life... and addiction to men. With this there is also an underlying addiction to love (in any form). God has been very patient with me and watched me make my mistakes after mistakes, saying "ok let's get this right already." I chose to keep trying to do it my way and think that I knew what I was doing and that I had this part of my life under control.
Well this week it has come to a screeching halt. When God finally gets fed up with you wandering in the wilderness He will take action to move you. He comes to you with two choices, very black and white. You can either stop this wandering and serve me completely and listen to me or you can go and do your own thing and I won't have anything to do with it. These are very scary choices that He gives you.
I have to say that personally I know better than to pick the later statement. I have seen what happens when you are not serving God and then I have seen what happens when you fully serve God with everything in you. So when I was faced with this decision in my life last night in the middle of a worship event here at my school I knew exactly which option I would choose. I just didn't know how. I was scared and afraid of what I was going to have to do to get to that choice. It involved hurting someone else. But God reminded me that if I put everything in His hands and chose to follow Him completely then He would take care of that.
I had to step out in faith and do something though in order to make that choice. So God being the merciful and gracious God He is... walked me through every step and renewed my strength all along the way. I made it through the initial decision. Now it is a daily decision to not turn back. It can be so easy to look back and think that it looks better back there.
I am making a choice that I am putting my hands to the plow and not looking back. I know that God has some amazing things ahead for me and I am going to just be open and ready. I am choosing to be a FAT christian. (Faithful Available and Teachable) I am ready for God to open doors and send me and use me in any way He needs and now that I have a certain aspect of my life open He can do that easier.
I am realizing that God can use me more when it is just me and Him than He ever could if I had someone else stuck to me in my life. I don't have to worry about the choice that someone else is going to make, all I have to worry about is what God is telling me and how I will follow. I am happy being in that place.
So I am entering the Potter's Hands again and asking to be broken and made new for Him to use. I can't wait to see what my potter makes this time.
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